Dealing with the Angry Child - Positively Changing Your Family Dynamics!

 Many mothers feel like their kids are driving them nuts, that they don’t listen and are out of control. Truthfully, who hasn’t felt that way once in a while?

Kids tend to lose it on occasion just like we adults lose it every now and then. It’s hard to parent angry, out-of-control kids yet we parents must stay calm and in “ adult mode” despite the challenges in raising kids.

And then, there’s everything else that’s going on in our lives…

Mothers feel so much responsibility and overwhelm these days as we try to navigate the daily realities of an increasingly complex world. Children are struggling more than ever before as well since Covid.

Raising angry children has always been a very isolating, painful experience. Many parents find themselves being so angry sometimes that they respond to anger with anger because they simply feel lost. Mothers share in confidence that they know they shouldn’t take it out on their kids but sometimes they just can’t help themselves.

Of course, after moms yell, they feel terribly guilty and down on themselves.

It can become a vicious cycle where parents and kids hopelessly tangle with misbehavior, acting out and fighting in the house. Moms feel punished by their supposedly “cute” kids who are making their lives miserable. Inevitably, moms land up feeling unprepared to deal with the realities of raising an angry child.

As a Child and Family Therapist, Parenting Specialist and Registered Play Therapy Supervisor, I have helped many mothers work through their challenges in raising angry kids. In my private practice and “ Playful Parenting” programs, both offline and now online, I have supported moms in taking back their power to parent in a way that makes them feel good about themselves and proud to be a mother.

All of us mothers, including myself, can use extra support and guidance when it comes to raising our children. None of us are assured happy, sweet little angels. The reality is that many more moms than you think are actually struggling with raising angry children. The tips below will help you whether you have an occasional issue with your child as well as start the journey to understand your angry child.

These tips can give you a head start in making a change in your family dynamics. The tips below do not substitute for professional counseling or parenting program. Please seek help if necessary and do not be ashamed to reach out to a therapist/Parenting Coach so you’re not alone in raising your angry child.

Rule #1: Your angry child isn’t trying to be bad or difficult

The first thing to remember is that your child is trying to communicate something to you. For whatever reason, your child doesn’t have the skills to communicate with you effectively YET.

Children don’t always have the words to say “ mommy, something is annoying me”.
Typically, a child will act out and then we mommies have to figure out what’s bothering them. The first rule of the day is to just understand that acting out in any manner is a form of communication from your child. This leads us to the question- what is my child trying to tell me? That answer can help guide us in how to help our children.

The second rule of thumb is realizing the role we moms play in the anger cycle between ourselves and our angry child. This is very important because many times it takes “ two to tangle”, as they say, even if don’t want to admit it. Once you identify the role you play in maintaining the cycle of angry child-angry mom, you can take steps to stop the vicious cycle from your end.

Rule #2: Getting mad at our angry child for acting out doesn’t address the issue at hand

Getting mad just perpetuates a cycle of anger and can lead to more misbehavior without ever addressing the reason behind the acting out.

We mothers get more frustrated and the angry child digs their heels in and spirals further out of control. If we don’t know what our child is trying to tell us, we need to find out. But just like when we adults are in a bad mood, we can’t think straight, it’s the same for kids. They can’t either think straight.

When a child is angry, that’s not the time to match their frustration and blow our own fuse because we’ve had a hard day. When a child is angry, we must ideally be the “ adult” and take the time to validate their feelings and help them calm down.
When our angry child is finally calm, we can have a conversation and discuss what happened and how to let mommy know what’s bothering them without acting out or fighting with their siblings.

It’s in those moments when you realize that your angry child is just a vulnerable, hurting kid, that we can have compassion for them and see what they really need to grow into a happy, healthy child.

Rule #3: A child who’s going through a hard time probably needs some extra attention.

A struggling child needs a little extra one-on-one time, a little walk alone with mommy around the block, a game of Connect Four or Othello. An angry child will really benefit from a mommy who’s more playful and less stressed out, a mommy who’s looking to catch them doing something right for a change instead of something wrong.

If this sounds like pie in the sky, I really understand how you feel. However, in my experience, both personally and professionally, these 3 rules work well when implemented consistently. An angry child may have their defenses up and will be used to being talked down to and punished. With genuine love and effort, it is possible to work with an angry child and help them back to becoming a healthy, happy, well-adjusted child.

A mother has so much power to make a difference in the lives of her children. It sometimes takes a #mindset adjustment and huge determination to look at your child and the situation in front of you with a new pair of eyeglasses. And it’s worth the effort!

Getting the right help and changing the way you interact with your angry child can be done. I hope these tips will get you started on the road to a happier, healthier family dynamic.

Check out my 30 DAY NON TECH PLAY JUMPSTART PROGRAM which will give you therapeutic game activities to play with your kids when you’re with them anyway throughout the day,

These games take 2-5 minutes and will build a connection with your children as you nurture them with play. You will build their self esteem as you help them learn rules, structure and boundaries in the context of play 😋🌈

This Jumpstart program is easy to implement and a total game changer for moms. Many moms report that their kids are no longer getting so angry or causing grief in the house as they start feeling more seen and loved with these therapeutic games!

Imagine you and your child connecting with the power of NON TECH PLAY! Imagine you becoming the Amazing Mom you truly want to be! This program gives you practical, step-by-step tips to create a happy, playful home that children will love.

Many mothers have already reported a huge change in the tone of the household by following the simple strategies outlined in the Jumpstart Program ❤️

Check out the link below to learn more about my 30 DAY NON TECH PLAY JUMPSTART PROGRAM and connect with me in messenger or DM on social media @parentingwithgelly.

Looking forward to seeing your family reap the rewards of therapeutic play that can make ALL THE DIFFERENCE 😍

xx

Gelly